“Since you’re now in public office, I should probably tell you all the weird things you do—and all the ways you’re wrong.”
My husband, Robert, offered this loving threat shortly after I began my term as a Spokane City Council Member.
Robert has always had quick wit and an almost alarming level of communication skill—especially when it comes to poking fun at me. Over time, I started collecting his best lines under the hashtag #thingsmyhusbandsays online.
My husband does not follow me on social media (which, honestly, may be one of the great secrets to our relationship’s success). So while our friends get to laugh—usually at my expense—my remarkable husband remains blissfully unaware, free to be 100% himself.
That is… until a colleague or complete stranger approaches him in public and says, “We LOVE your quotes.”
At which point I receive a quick glare, and I am immediately in at least two troubles.
Thankfully, he always forgives me. Eventually. Usually. With conditions that often involve the procurement of his favorite snacks.
As the world has grown heavier—and as Rob and I have faced our own harder seasons—I’ve found his ability to keep laughing, keep noticing joy, and keep offering lightness to be more than charming. It’s been essential.
Lately, I’ve become increasingly aware of how often the world tries to rob us of our joy and energy. And it’s made me more determined than ever to steal it back—intentionally, stubbornly, and sometimes with snacks.
Part of that is fiercely protecting my sources of joy. It is the fuel we need to keep fighting and persisting.
My husband is high on that list.
Here are a few of my favorite #thingsmyhusbandsays from the past few years—offered as proof that love can look like laughter, and commitment can sound suspiciously like roasting.
After I attempted to cook a meal…
“You’ve had many successes in your life… tonight was not one of those. But you shouldn’t stop trying.”
And, later:
“Well, if anyone is going to discover a wrong way to cook fish, it’s going to be you.”
On my home decorating attempts…
“Sometimes I question if you’re really gay… and then I see you hung tassels that have tassels, and I feel reassured.”
Or this wisdom:
“Just because there’s room doesn’t mean there’s space.”
Or this:
“I’m wondering if you actually have a phobia of a square foot of un-decorated wall space?”
After returning from a public event…
“I’m always amused when people get twitter-pated around you… because I know you, and you’re a total weirdo.”
On preparing for a radio interview…
“Your haircut is so bad they’re going to hear it over the airwaves.”
Upon getting ready for bed…
“You should know you’ve caused me twelve annoyances today… but I do still love you.”
When I told him I needed to be mean and intimidating in an upcoming meeting…
“That’s great. You’ll be about as mean and intimidating as a teddy bear throwing his jellybeans.”
Offering encouragement (in his own special way)…
“I appreciate how you make strong, bold decisions… sometimes they’re wrong, but at least they’re strong and bold.”
Upon discovering my toothbrush had been used…
“I’m going to be in bigger trouble now, but in my defense… we’re married, and your toothbrush was the only thing I could find.”
When informing me we were going hiking…
“We ARE going hiking, and you WILL like it.”
To prepare me for a conversation…
“Hey, I’m going to say some things, and then you’re going to say, ‘You’re absolutely right. I agree and understand.’ Got it?”
Before I was scheduled to speak to his colleagues…
“I see you’re speaking to my class tomorrow… I should probably pre-approve your outfit.”
Commenting on my sense of fashion…
“You can’t wear any of that… because you’re not and have never been a teenage muscle jock.”
Or, on a different day:
“I’m glad you think you look good… and hopefully the world will be kind to you and accept that.”
Or:
“I know you used to teach for FIDM… and then I remember that those who can’t do teach and then it makes more sense.”
Upon correcting my laundry method…
“I debated letting you continue to believe that when you overstuff the dryer like that, it all magically dries… but I think it’s time you finally knew the truth. I always take it out and reload it for you.”
After I asked him for a favor…
“I’m currently frustrated with you… but I’ll be less frustrated in twenty minutes and will respond then.”
When I mumbled and asked if he’d like ramen at the Buddhist temple…
“I’d LOVE to eat ramen at a nudist temple!”
After he got braces…
“I’m going to need you to start mommy-birding me all the good foods I’m missing.”
When I asked about suspicious charges on our credit card…
“The world often feels like it’s shrouded in darkness and misery. So I want you to know that sniffing the fragrances of beautiful candles brings me joy… now I’ll tell you about the candles I charged to our credit card.”
When he was frustrated with me…
“Be warned. I’m having very strong feelings at the moment. Half of them are directed at you. The other half are because I’m hungry.”
After I lost my sense of taste due to COVID…
“Hon, take a look at our house. You lost that sense a long time ago.”
When someone criticized me and I asked him if I’m insufferable…
“No. Unfortunately, I have to suffer you all the time.”
On our future deaths…
“When you die, I plan to pass a few days later… because I won’t have anyone to find my phone or keys anymore, and that will be unbearable.”
On being successful in life…
“Part of my success is that I know my favorite pizza is olive. But I don’t need to hold out for only olive pizza. I know how to enjoy the heck out of a pepperoni or a cheese.”
When I asked if the berries we were picking were edible…
“Don’t be silly. Everything is edible… at least once.”
On whether he’ll ever stop loving me…
“No. You’re stuck with me. No one else has the strength, charm, and charisma needed to put up with you.”
Some receive love letters.
I receive emotional support through sarcasm, snack-based diplomacy, and affectionate verbal uppercuts.
And somehow, in the middle of it all—between the chaos, the stress, the world’s heaviness, and the occasional dryer intervention—his humor has become one of the most steady, healing forces in my life.
Because when someone can make you laugh while life is trying to break you…
That’s not just comedy.
That’s love.
